Friday, 15 February 2013

Crap response from Autism and oughtisms:

Dissection time:

"My post is not asserting equality, quite the opposite in fact. To have reached your view of what I’ve said, you’d have to have significantly misunderstood the post."

So what was all that complaining about how awful it is that parents voices are asked to held as lesser? If not demanding equality without equity?

Here she makes the classic mistake, she claims not to try and speak for autistics but she cheerfully decides that I misunderstood. Ergo, therefore my opinion is invalid. She is telling an autistic that they do not understand. I understand that very well, I've heard it all my life from privileged NTs who felt that my thoughts and feelings about the shitty things they said were not valid because I do not think the same shitty things.

Here's the thing parents? I don't give a shit what you intended, my reaction and perceptions of what you say are indeed valid because you don't get to control how I see your words. You're used to dealing with people who think like you and who agree with you (notice the godawful Flannery who basically hates autistic advocates is agreeing with the original post), so when someone disagrees and pulls out underlying hurtful ideas that your privilege blinded you to? You immediately dismiss us as "not understanding" because actually facing it would mean facing that you hold harmful ideas.

We understand all too well. We understand that your privilege blinds you and you refuse to check it or to consider that you said something hurtful because you didn't intended to say hurtful things because intention is the fifth fucking element and magically makes sure that nothing you say could ever be harmful, hurtful, ignorant or not thought out, much less all of those.

"Actually, no, you have not understood the spirit of my argument. See above."

Translation: Lalalalalalaalala Imastickmyfingersinmyearsandnotlisten.

"I do not ignore adult autistic voices."

Suggestion for NT parents in general. Do not say this after you've just done that twice. If NT parent's weren't ignoring adult autistic voices, the default response wouldn't be "you, the autistic person, don't understand", it would be to consider that perhaps they the NT person don't understand and to try to understand what we're saying and why we're saying it.

"I read them widely and often. I must point out that “they” do not speak with one voice either, and my post was about a specific type of claim I’ve seem repeated over and over as a form of attack on non-autistic (and even autistic) parents."

Reading our viewpoints doesn't mean understanding them as has been demonstrated, also given that the specific claim was "you have privilege", I don't think they understand what an attack is.

"I was quite clear about what that was, and I separated out the attack from the claim and concept of privilege at the start; I did not simplistically conflate the two."

This is probably a sign of a classic issue. Here's the thing, everyone? Only you know what you intend, if you fuck it up and completely bollix conveying that and end up conveying the opposite, whether by unacknowledged bias or simply bad writing? People even NT ones do not magically pick up on what you intended. The other people agreeing are agreeing because they agree with what she actually said, not what she claims to have said.

Seriously, I am so fucking tired of being told that I simply don't understand every time I disagree with an NT person who said something ignorant and/or shitty, especially when NT people seem to think they also know my every thought and feeling so well that they can declare them invalid.

Edit: Since she decided to delete it in a fit of temper at having me accurately criticise her. Here's my last reply in response to:

"And most are parents, including a few known to be horrible to adult autistics on the regular basis.

I do understand your post, I just see the parts your blinkers cover up for you. The implications in what you're saying both in general and to me.

No, I don't think I am, if I was, you would listen, understand and be able to lay my concerns to rest with more than "you don't understand/know me". That you're not argues that you can't, and therefore that there's more than a little accuracy there.

You can't open the minds of others when yours is in a iron cage of privilege and blinded by it. You need to open yours first, or you will forever be part of the problem and you will always be called out on the basis of your privilege because it has such as large impact on you.

You will never escape the argument that you're complaining about because in your case it's true that your privilege is a problem, your privilege does cloud your ability to see, to understand, to empathize, to step into our world, and your denial of it makes those clouds into lead.

You are part of the problem, part of the reason why autistics do not want to share a platform with parents, because you don't share. You dominant and ignore the harm."

Edit2: Baaaaaaaaaaaaawletion, because heaven forbid you point out that someone has publicly shat themselves and it smells when they want to think they smell of roses and sunshine.

Suggest not following Autism and oughtisms, blog owner is privileged, biased against autistic people and their viewpoints and incapable of recognising it even when it is pointed out to her in simple terms.

And I should probably stop engaging such parents, I'm not going to educate them with anything less than an A bomb to their privilege to crack the blindfold. All it really does it expose to how stunningly childish supposedly educated allistic adults can be when told to check their privilege by the people they're hurting.

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