Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Do as I say, not at I do.

One thing that has always driven me quite up the wall about Neurotypicals is that they'll often do one thing and say another.

A recent example was someone who said something horribly bigoted about mentally ill people, then defended it with "It's my opinion" and defended her "right" to have an offensive opinion because apparently explaining just why what she said was offensive is violating her right to freedom of speech or something. Last time I checked, freedom of speech was not a freedom to say anything you like unchallenged, especially when you say offensive things.

Today? She's busy trumpeting about "Just because you have an opinion, doesn't mean you should post it" and "Can and should are two different things" and railing against someone else who said something she disagreed with in public.

I don't really understand how someone can claim to be for one thing and then act in the exact opposite way.

Same thing happens all too often when NTs interact with people like me, it's okay for them to do X, but if an autistic person does it? X is bad and a sign of Autism/being a bad person. I get so tired of having the following conversations:

Them: *says something stigmatising or offensive about a group I belong to.
Me: Would you mind not saying that kind of thing. It's offensive because of *insert reasonable reason* and I'd rather you didn't say that about people like me.
Them: You're bullying me!
Me: I feel that you are trying to silence me by that declaration.
Them: How dare you decide my intentions, that's rude and mean! You're definitely bullying me.
Me: I said that was my perception of what you were doing, and you actually just decided my intentions twice. So why are you allowed to decide mine but I'm not allowed to say how I feel about how you're acting towards me?
Them: Bully! Waaaah, you're mean!

I've had so many variations of this conversation over the years, they all end the same way, I'm the "bad person" and poor widdle asshole NT ends up coddled by all the NTs because how dare an Autistic disagree with what an NT said. There's also "I know you're autistic so how dare you think you're right and talk as though you are" usually after the person has ignored my proof and the fact that they haven't shown any at all and despite this is insisting they're right because they said so. Apparently having confidence in your argument is a bad thing if you're Autistic and makes you a bad and mean person.

Other annoying conversations include:

Them: *talking about a concept that requires an innate interpersonal understanding*
Me: Wait, I'm autistic, could you please explain how X +Y = Z, I don't understand.
Them: OMFG you're using your autism as an excuse!1!!1
Me: No, I'm just explaining that I have difficulties understanding certain concepts, so I'd like you to explain how X + Y = Z so I can follow the conversation.
Them: OMG you're lazy and using your autism as an excuse.


Them: You did a bad/wrong thing by disagreeing with X.
Me: I'm autistic, could you explain how disagreeing with them is bad? I don't understand why it would be so.
Them: *doesn't explain, loses their shit at me*
Me: Wait, I don't understand, could you explain what it is you're accusing me of and why?
Them: *still losing their shit, ignores the question, accuses me of being hateful/arrogant/insert derogatory term here*
Me: Could you slow down and please explain this, this and this to me. I do not understand how you came to X conclusion?
Them: omg! why won't you meet me halfway!
Me: Why won't you explain anything or answer any of the questions I've asked so I can understand your viewpoint?
Them: omg! You're not meeting me halfway, this argument is all your fault.
Me: ...

Or they'll try to pick a fight with me for weeks by being aggressive and snappish towards me. Then accuse me of being the mean, aggressive one.

One thing I've learned over the years is that it is apparently okay for someone to be as contradictory, aggressive and nasty as they like if they're NT and popular. I've had NT people bully me only for it to be shrugged off with "so and so is under stress", "it's her opinion" from others, but if anyone thinks I'm being "mean" or "Bad", that's it, I am mean and bad, no arguments allowed even if I've just been attacked for no reason whatsoever.

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