Monday, 10 February 2014
The Facts about me and Mikki Kendall:
Let's start with me:
I had massive internalised ablism and classism issues when I was much younger. I was not classist as Mikki "Karnythia" Kendall has repeatedly accused me of being because poor people cannot be classist much like PoC can't be racist. We do not have the power needed for it. That accusation relates to an assumption after I noted that in my personal experience the amount of noisy kids within any given store will vary by store. I even talked about the possible impact that class would have on it, ie Rich people can well afford to leave their kids with a nanny or similarly paid childcare provider. For that I got labelled 'classist'. I also got labelled it because I freely talked about my experiences and the people I grew up with are what the Daily Mail thinks all poor people are like. (Note, it is not solidarity to try and shut up survivors because their abusers are what the Daily Mail thinks everyone not rich is like).
She however is correct in saying that I did say some pretty ignorant things about race. I was and often still am frightfully ignorant as a result of a lack of knowledge, plus some really bad polarising experiences (When all the adults lie to you and gaslight you, you learn only to believe what you see and given how MoC treated me as a teen and a young adult? Yeah, I ended up holding some super problematic ideas for a long time). It also didn't help that I am autistic and thus had massive difficulty wrapping my head about explanations of race theory that were never intended for autistic people.
I can only apologise unreserved for what I've said in the past about race and try to do better in future. I'm not going to claim that tomorrow I will wake up and never be racist again because let's face it, that would be utter bollocks, I still have shit to unlearn. I will fail and I'm okay with that, I'm fine with being called out when I say stupid shit. (Though explanations would be nice with it, Race theory isn't intended for autistic people remember?)
Claims that others have made:
That I "maliciously' misgendered someone. Someone claims to have PMs where I supposedly admit this, the only PMs I have deleted were spam. I cannot find any PM to that person much less this confession. What actually happen IIRC was I carelessly threw in a generic dude (I really need to stop doing that) while talking to a Trans women, she understandably got angry. I apologised for it, and she promptly misgendered me in return.
That I stated what happened to another person was deserved? and that I defended Hugo Schwyer I have no idea where this utter piece of bollocks came from. Those of you who've followed my blog know that I condemned by abusive fucker. But what I did object to was all the ablist as fucking hell comments that were being slung around by Mikki Kendall and other parties. There is no part of calling him out for being an abusive, sexist, racist, white man that needs to involve spreading the idea that is okay to disbelieve people about mental health issues.
About Mikki "Karnythia" Kendall.
1. She writes great stuff on race and she is targeted by some people awful individuals on a regular basis. However:
2. She is also a bully. The current accusations being levelled at her are wrong, but it does not invalidate that she has been known to engage with groups whose method of 'social justice' was to hammer minority folks especially disabled folks who say the "wrong things" with 200+ people all telling them that they are pieces of shit and worse. She is still a member of one group in particular and lead a number of dog piles on people that nearly put many six foot under and in some cases, we're not sure it didn't.
Nothing anyone can have said, even the worst bits? Justifies that she as a known and respected member of this group frequently encourages piling on minorities. In my case she knew I suffer from mental illness, she knew I'd tried to kill myself before. There is no way she couldn't have known that she was endangering my life. It was clear I was in considerable mental distress several times and she was instrumental in getting me told I was lying about being mentally compromised. (This is why the Hugo thing resulted in me calling her out because she has straight up denied people's mental health issues before and nearly bullied people into graves).
Here's the thing if a mentally ill person says something oppressive and then goes into distress? That doesn't mean you have to let us off the hook. It however does mean you should remember that we're mentally and emotionally compromised. Treating a severely suicidal mentally ill person who said something ignorant the same as a privileged mentally healthy people who is being an arrogant shit when told that what they said was harmful, is as good as putting a gun to the head of the former.
It is better to be gentle with a liar than it is to bring grief and a funeral to the lives of others because you refused to believe their loved one was in distress.
3. She has a long history of calling people liars about being survivors.
Even if I was the most racist shit to ever crawl out from under a rock? That doesn't justify her standing up repeated and saying I lie about being a survivor. It doesn't justify her being part of pile ons that consisted of people repeatedly saying I was lying about being a survivor.
#Ibelieveher is important, it is not #Ibelievehersolongassheneversaysanythingoppressive.
Even if someone lies? By doing this, she tells other survivors that they were at risk of being called liars if Karnythia decided they were awful people. She silences survivors with that tactic. It's harmful.
She also accused a grieving mother of 'lying' about her babies death and attacked countless other people.
3. She have never acknowledged or apologised for any of this. When people talk about what she's done, they get attacked and she doesn't bat an eyelid.
Mikki Kendall continues to enjoy a media platform and the following that denies that when Ms Kendall is crossed in any way, she behaves in ways that actively perpetuated oppressions. Those of us with genuine reasons to criticise her get lumped in with those who don't and dismissed. We continue to be subjected to her oppressive actions and it is time this was acknowledged.
Long story short? I'm sorry she's getting attacked and subjected to many of the tactics she's wielded against others, but I am also tired of being gaslighted by people who insist she isn't a bully and doesn't do this stuff. I am tired of being called a liar by people who self righteously tweet #Ibelieveher until someone tells them about Ms Kendall's past (or the past of any popular SJ advocate) and then they don't believe us.
All me and many others have wanted is for this to be acknowledged and for her to at least work at not doing it. I'm simply exhausted by her oppressive bullshit and how it's defended because folks apparently can't tell the difference between uber privileged bigoted shits bullying her and marginalised people pointing out that she is super problematic. She has a massive social media platform, the minority people she attacks generally do not. In short, in this case she's the one with the privilege and from my point of view? The defense of what she does is problematic.